


The Stanford Files (aka The Exploration of Samuel Winchester)

by inkillusions



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Porn With Plot, Stanford Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-07
Updated: 2011-11-07
Packaged: 2017-10-25 19:58:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/274168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkillusions/pseuds/inkillusions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uber-Wincesty PWP in which Sam Winchester finally gets what he wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stanford Files (aka The Exploration of Samuel Winchester)

The Stanford Files (aka The Exploration of Samuel Winchester)

The crowded college bar filled with his drunken peers wasn't exactly Sam's idea of a good time, but he'd promised he would hang out with Tony that night. It was Sam's own fault that he let him pick the place. It really wasn't that bad as they actually spent most of the night talking, with Tony unloading his troubles on Sam – and there were many of them. His friend was never one to hold back on anything, which was a fact that Sam discovered after knowing the guy for all of two hours. That was actually one of the things the liked best about him. Growing up in a family and life full of secrets, it was refreshing to be around someone who could be so open. And as open as he could be, after three or so shots, his friend lost the tiniest bit of inhibitions he had left.

"...and when we finally got down to business, this guy just set me off like a rocket. I mean—damn! There's nothing like it, right Sam?"

Sam spluttered in his beer, caught completely unawares. Where the hell had that came from? He just knew that he was thankful Jess hadn't come with them to the bar that night. This wasn't a conversation he would've wanted to have around her. Maybe Tony wouldn't have gone there if it weren't Guy's Night Out, but with him you could never be sure...

"What? Um, I wouldn't know, T."

"You ever done it?"

"Nope."

"Not even thought about it?"

"Can't say that I have. Not all of us are sex-crazed deviants like you."

Sam hoped that his voice remained steady with the weight of the lie.

Tony set his glass down on the table and leaned in (more like fell over) toward Sam, using his best 'I'm not drunk' whisper which Sam could only equate to a quiet shout.

"I can believe that you've never done it with another guy being Mr. White Bread and all -"

Sam chuckled to himself at the affectionate moniker bestowed upon his friend when they first met. If only he knew the truth.

"- but I can't believe you haven't even tried it for yourself."

"Nope."

Tony sat back and nursed his beer that had to have grown warm with all of that scintillating conversation that they were having.

"Damn. That should be a part of 'What Every Boy Must Know.' And I do mean every."

Sam could only laugh, glad to at least be able to joke about it. His not experiencing it had more to do with lack of opportunity than lack of trying or lack of want. But now was not the time, nor the place to rehash this in his brain since he'd been spending months trying to forget about it. Or at least pretend that the desire had never entered his mind.

Tony shook his head as he patted Sam on the shoulder. "You poor deprived thing. Don't knock it till you try it."

"Whatever Tony. Let me get you another shot."

\-----

The thing that supposedly made Sam's brain impressive to others was also the same thing that could make life unbelievably difficult for him—his steel-trap memory. He could read books about lore and do historical research and the info would remain dormant in his brain until called upon years later. His dad used to joke with him when he was younger about his brain exploding from everything stored inside of there and sometimes, it felt like it was true. But that same memory helped to make certain times in his life more difficult than they should be. He could remember stolen kisses and furtive gropes under deep cover of darkness. He could still feel the hard press of Dean's mouth on his, smothering his groans as they moved and pressed together and rubbed...

Yes, Sam's brain could be both a blessing and a curse. And thanks to Tony's conversation, he couldn't stop thinking about what they'd discussed over a week ago. Tony may have forgotten about their revealing conversation, but Sam had not. Not one single word of it. He couldn't have told Tony at the time, but he was jealous of his experience because it was one that he'd wanted to have so badly.

Sam hadn't lied when he said he didn't have any idea what it felt like, only because it was something that he had never experienced. He had thought about it before – a lot. Had wanted and begged for it, but it was something that had never happened. Dean had never allowed it to.

And there was no way that Sam could have told Tony the truth – that he had been with another man before – mostly because of who that other man was. One could find it incredibly difficult to swap sexcapade stories when one of your partners also was your brother. That was one secret that Sam would never reveal to anyone, especially not to Tony with his non-secret-keeping mouth.

But even with Sam's sexual past in being with another man, penetration wasn't something that he had ever experienced. Not for lack of wanting. God, no. But even though he and Dean had long since crossed the line of what was considered right and wrong, this was one step that Dean swore that he would never take with Sam. Ever.

_"You're too young and I just can't..."_

_"Why not? I'm seventeen and I want it."_

_Sam stroked his hands over Dean's sides to drive the fact home, looking up at Dean as he balanced himself on slightly trembling arms._

_"Sam, no. I won't do it, so don't ask me again."_

_"Dean..." He slid his hand down the front of Dean's shirt, along his flat stomach, fingers lightly scraping over the zipper. "Please." Lowering the zipper slowly, Sam slipped his fingers inside, brushing against his brother's hardness. Dean bit back a hiss when Sam removed his hand and moved it lower, stroking between Dean's thighs. He could feel the tension and he knew what it took for Dean to hold himself back. "I know you want to -"_

_Dean got to his feet quickly, leaving Sam lying there, lips moving soundlessly as he looked at him in shock._

_"I told you Sam. I won't."_

_And Dean turned and walked out of the room, leaving Sam on the floor, still horny. But once he heard the front door open, he knew there was no chance of Dean coming back to finish what they had started._

After Sam initially asked, he realized that Dean began to keep his distance. He spent more time hanging out in seedy bars, picking up trashy women and giving to them what Sam wanted. No matter how much Sam wanted it – and he did – Dean refused to give in. Time, which was never really on their side to begin with, limited their sexual contact to quickie hand-jobs and blow-jobs. They'd fall into walls, pressing and groping, breath coming in harsh quick pants as they worked at getting more and now and please. When they got together, it was usually a matter of relief, of comfort, something that they did with one another because who else could they trust to share something like this?

That was really more Dean's explanation of things until Sam left for school at eighteen, Sam agreed with it. The truth was, Sam's feelings for Dean went deeper than that and were a bit more inappropriate than Dean could have ever imagined them to be.

Or maybe Dean knew and that was why he would never take that step with Sam.

Dredging up these feelings made Sam question a lot of things that he would rather have kept buried deep inside where no one could find them – not even himself. But Sam didn't really want to think about Dean right now. Their calls over the past few couple of months were becoming fewer and increasing in brevity, though in the back of his mind he figured that Dean didn't want Dad to know that they were still in contact and had been for the past year. At least not right now while the wounds were still so raw. But God, Sam missed his brother.

In ways that he probably shouldn't.

\-----

Sam finally just gave in to three years of curiosity and decided that tonight was the night. Jess had three classes and would be working in the lab that evening, so this was their official "off" night meaning she wouldn't be stopping over. He almost felt guilty over the notion of being so happy to have the time to himself.

Almost.

But just the knowledge of what he had planned kept him on edge all day long. He'd half-paid attention to what his professors said in American Government, and Stats was nothing but a fucking wash for him. Nothing else mattered but getting the hell back to his apartment and he practically sprinted across campus after grabbing dinner in the commissary.

The sound of his pounding heart seemed to resonate throughout his apartment, but Sam knew it was all in his head. It just helped to solidify the fact that he truly was the freak he'd always felt himself to be.

But he almost could hear Dean's voice telling him to get over himself. Things were the way that they were and he would have to learn to accept them and move on. Maybe one day, he would be able to. Maybe this was all a part of that acceptance process.

God, the last thing he needed to have in his head was the sound of Dean's voice—or maybe it was exactly what he needed. He began removing his clothing, his anxiousness almost getting the better of him. He'd told himself that he was going to try and take his time with this but the reality of it was, he was much too excited to wait. He decided to take a long shower, hoping that the hot water would help him relax just a bit, but that wasn't the case. As he washed his body, touching himself in the normal washing-down fashion, he found himself hyper aware of, well, everything. His skin felt so warm and alive. He couldn't help but moan as his fingertips ran over his nipples, which normally weren't that sensitive. But today, he touched them, pinched them and rubbed his palms over them, making his cock throb that much harder. He let his fingers graze over his stomach and he felt the muscles quivering beneath his fingertips and he could only close his eyes as his hands moved down to his thighs, caressing the muscle on the outside, then the tops, then the inside... and back up so he could brace himself against the wall and wrap his other hand around his cock.

The embarrassing thing was, ever since he woke up that morning and decided that today was going to be the day, he'd been more than half-hard. He had planned to do this while he was lying on the bed, but he knew now that he wasn't even going to make it there. He was too far gone already. Now that he was actually in the shower, his fingers moving along his heated skin, his dick was so hard, he couldn't help but groan when his fingers brushed against it.

"Jesus..."

He hadn't expected his reaction to be so strong and it almost felt like it was too much for him to handle. 'Almost' being the key word. Sam lathered up his hands again and wrapped his right hand around his cock while moving his left hand around behind him. He slid his index finger between his cheeks, stroking one finger over the sensitive skin around his anus. It felt a little strange to touch himself like this, knowing what he had in mind, wanting to pleasure himself instead of just cleaning his body but from what he'd read and from listening to Tony... Sam moved his finger back and forth over the opening and he shuddered at how sensitive it was and the ripples of pleasure that moved through his body.

And even though he'd feigned near-ignorance with Tony, the joys of the prostate weren't a complete mystery to him. He'd felt the heavy heat of Dean's hand between his thighs, fingers pressing at the spot just behind his balls, making him cry out and arch from the pleasure. But he wasn't sure why listening to Tony go on about hitting it from the inside, pressing on something that made your body go weak, stirred up something within him, and made him want it so badly. When he was with Dean, he just wanted every part of his brother. He wanted them to be connected in every way possible, wanted to feel him burning deep inside.

Sam gasped, amazed at how good it felt. Why he had taken so damn long to figure out how his body would react to this stimulation, Sam hadn't a clue. Could be because for a majority of his life, he usually hadn't had the privacy of his own room and occasionally, not even the privacy of his own bed. But now? Now he had the privacy, the freedom, the desire. There was no need to deny himself any longer and he allowed the tip of his finger to slip inside, waiting a moment to adjust to the sensation. It felt strange, but it wasn't bad. Not in the least and he pressed it in a little further, feeling the second joint move inside easily, sliding until it was all the way in. His knees bowed slightly and he groaned when he bent his finger, the tip barely scraping, hardly touching...

"Fuck."

His head tossed back, Sam began panting, unsure of why this was turning him completely inside out like this. All he could think of was the fact that it actually was happening. And there was something about having the knowledge that his finger was inside of his body, that he was fucking himself like he'd always wanted Dean to...

Sam's cock pulsed and he jerked it with his right hand, surprised when he came so hard and so fast. He cried out as his hips pumped, sliding his cock between his tightened fingers. His legs trembled as he felt the cooling water falling on him from the shower head. He hurriedly washed himself off and exited the shower, trying not to think too hard about what had just taken place, because if the thought of being fucked made him shoot off like that, how could he actually handle the real thing?

He shuddered as he dried off, trying hard to put all thoughts of fucking and Dean out of his head.

Something that was much easier said than done.

\-----

Jessica stayed over two nights later and when she climbed into bed with him, Sam couldn't help but react to how soft and warm and sweet her body was as it pressed against his.

"God, you smell so good."

She smiled when he pulled her closer and kissed her, wanting to lose himself in her completely. He thought of burying himself inside of her, of slipping into her wet heat and listening to her moan with pleasure. He groaned and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her on top of him, his hand moving between them as he gripped the base of his cock.

"So I'm in the driver's seat tonight?"

Her smile was wide and bright and Sam returned it as he slipped his hand up the leg of her pajama shorts, his fingers sliding between her thighs as he felt her wetness. She groaned and threw her head back, guiding his fingers inside and grinding down as he fingered her. The thing that he loved about being with Jess was that they were so in-sync with one another, both mentally and sexually, and she always knew what buttons to push to turn him on. She sat back on her ankles and removed her shirt, her full breasts coming into view and he continued to pump his fingers in and out of her slowly, imagining that slick heat surrounding his cock. Just the thought made his dick thicken and Jessica felt it, rising up so Sam could remove his own shorts and they'd both be completely naked. Even though they'd been together for almost a year now, the sight of her body still turned him on like it was the very first time he'd seen her naked—and tonight would be no different. He put his hand on her hip, guiding her as she balanced over him, looking down at him and smiling.

Gently he patted her on the thigh, "You waiting for an invitation?"

Jessica laughed and Sam thought that was probably the sexiest thing he'd ever heard in his life. He took his cock in his hand, stroking it along her wet lips as she moaned and sank down onto him, taking him all the way inside.

He threw his head back and groaned, reveling in the feel of the heat surrounding him. God, she felt so good, so fucking right. He put his hands on Jessica's firm asscheeks, spreading her open as he helped guide her, raising and lowering her onto his dick, slightly increasing their rhythm. She leaned in and kissed his mouth – her tongue teasing him with long, wet strokes and Sam could only think of how right this felt. He let his fingers slip between her cheeks, moving lower as he teased her, letting one finger slide over the opening in the back. He was amazed at the smooth stretch of skin and he stroked his finger back and forth. Her eyes were open wide, focusing on him and she bit her lip, her movements faltering for a moment.

"Jess..."

He whispered her name as he pressed his fingertip inside of her and Jess shuddered and tightened around his dick, taking over and fucking herself hard on his cock, twisting her hips back and forth and that was all that Sam could take. His orgasm blinded him, stealing his breath as he pumped inside of her. She rocked and shuddered, falling onto his chest as she panted for breath.

Sam placed a kiss on the side of her head, his hands lightly stroking up and down her back. She rose and fell with his chest, her breathing matching his before evening out. She moved her hips, rocking against him and she looked up at him when she felt him getting hard inside of her again. He stroked her hair, twisting the silky strands between his fingers. She smiled, moving up slightly to place a kiss on his lips. Her movement caused her to move slightly off of his cock and he moaned, his body ready to go for another round.

"Have you ever done that before?"

Jessica placed a kiss on Sam's chin before answering. "From behind?" Sam laughed, hoping that she didn't hear the nervousness hidden within. "Yeah. It's...different." She smiled mischievously at him. "Why, do you want to?"

Sam tried to sound nonchalant, tilting his head as if he'd be a little all right with the prospect. "I want to do whatever makes you feel good." Smooth, Samuel. But inside, his body was singing and he ignored the growing feeling that he was developing a new obsession in his life. Jessica didn't ignore the effect that the question had on him and she tightened her muscles around his cock.

"I can see that you want to."

Sam groaned, pulling her in for another kiss, this one deeper than the last. He rolled her over onto her back, his hands on either side of her, keeping the bulk of his body weight off her as he slid deep inside. She locked her legs behind his back, pulling him in closer and Sam shut his brain off, his body fully charged again as they moved together, allowing the heat of her body to consume him.

\-----

The following week was Christmas vacation, not exactly Sam's favorite time of the year.

"You sure you don't want to come back with me, hon?"

Sam could see the pout on Jessica's lips and he thought that she looked so adorable in her pink jacket and matching boots.

"Nah. I'll be fine here. I need access to the library for my paper, anyway."

Jessica frowned and Sam sat down on the arm of the chair, pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her waist. He rested his head gently against her belly, as she softly stroked his hair.

"I just don't want you to be alone for Christmas. I'd like for you to be around family."

Sam looked up and caressed her cheek tenderly, staring at her for a moment. Sometimes he thought he loved her so much, his heart would burst. He'd never had someone reciprocate his feelings like that. Never so strongly and so openly.

"Do you know how much I love you?"

Jessica brightened as a wide smile spread across her face and she placed a soft kiss on Sam's lips. Sam got to his feet and the tender kiss quickly escalated and the passion began to flare between them. After a moment, Sam pulled back, breaking the kiss, leaving the both of them slightly breathless. He reached out and straightened her jacket, smoothing her collar down and readjusting her belt.

"You'd better go before I keep you locked in the bedroom for the next two weeks."

She planted one last kiss on Sam's mouth before moving to the door.

"You know where I am if you want to come over. My parents would love to have you."

Sam got up, walking toward her as she opened the door. He wrapped his arms around her, giving her one last hug.

"If I change my mind, I know where to find you."

He kissed her on the forehead before shooing her into the hallway, waiting to move away from it once he heard her footfalls go down the steps.

Sam was going to miss her a lot over the next two weeks. They had met in his first year English class and started going out toward the end of the term. They'd been inseparable ever since. They had only been together for little under a year, but Sam's life being what it was... A year could be the equivalent of a lifetime and everything could change in the blink of an eye.

He didn't ever take anything for granted.

Sam shook his head, laughing at himself again. Tony would say that Sam was in his 'Dark Place'. If he only knew the things that really went on inside of Sam’s head and how dark his dark places could really be… he'd probably not be so quick to joke about it.

Part of Sam felt bad for turning down Jess' invitation to go to Mill Valley. He liked her family and even though they initially thought him a little strange (or at least the family-life that he would rarely discuss), they were very nice to him and they took him in as one of their own. But in all honesty, it pained him to see the normalcy of their family. It was something he'd always wanted and he knew he'd never have, no matter how hard he tried. No, he'd rather stay at school in the peace and quiet. Christmas was never really a big holiday for him anyway.

His paper beckoned, so he packed his backpack and headed to the main campus to the library.

\-----

After two hours of studying, three quarters of a large pizza and two beers, Sam was more than relaxed as he chilled on the sofa, the white noise of the small television filling the room. Times like these were dangerous for him – moments when he had too much time and not enough distraction to keep his mind from wandering. And where did it wander back to?

His conversation with Tony.

Even with all of the time he had spent with Jessica, Sam hadn't forgotten about his conversation with Tony. The thought had embedded itself so deeply in Sam's brain, there was no way he could ever truly forget it. And he definitely hadn't forgotten his exploration, though it had been all too brief. The experience had been so – intense. And it had left such an impression on Sam, living out a fantasy that you had been holding on to for years would make anybody blow their fuse rather quickly.

"Fuck."

Sam got up and walked into the tiny nook that was his bedroom, his head buzzing from his horniness. How could he get so fucking turned on so fast? He knew exactly why, and it wasn't even a matter of pretending that he didn't. He'd tried to delude himself when he moved to California, attempting to pretend that Dean didn't play such a fucking huge part in his fantasies. But it was all such a lie – had been from the start. The time and the miles, not to mention the invisible tension of their father, thinned their communication over the past year, but he could never really tell Dean how much that hurt. Especially since Dean just would remind him that the phone worked both ways.

But even in Dean’s absence, Sam thought of him, replayed their interludes, wishing that Dean was there with him. Sam could no longer deny that he wanted him. Still. And he was unable to deny that Dean was the main star of his fantasies. And the other night – Sam would have given anything if it had been Dean's hands wandering all over Sam's body, touching and pressing inside...

Sam's body felt like it was a live wire, his clothing rubbing against his newly sensitized skin. He quickly tore off his t-shirt and threw it into the corner. He looked down, seeing the bulge in his jeans, feeling how fucking hard he was. Sam palmed his crotch, rubbing his hand back and forth over the zipper. God, he could fucking bring himself off like this. Opening his jeans he stepped out of them, dragging his shorts down, and threw them on top of his discarded shirt. The slight chill in the room prickled his skin and he shivered from the combination of the coolness and the heated anticipation. It had been a long time since he had just taken the time to do – this; to just enjoy himself and enjoy his own body. As much as he loved being with Jessica, loved being inside of her tight wetness, there was nothing like the feel of his own hand. Having a steady girlfriend could make you forget that sometimes.

But tonight, it was just Sam and his oversexed imagination. He grabbed his towel from the floor and put it on the bed. Part of him felt foolish for being so fucking keyed up about this, but he wanted it; wanted to lose himself in the fantasies that he'd long ago locked away in the back of his mind. He reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out a tube of lube, setting it on the towel next to him. He lay on his back, his right hand moving lower as he slowly wrapped his fingers around his cock. Mmm, yeah. He could feel it pulsing against his palm, feel the heat generating from his own touch and he slid his sweat-slick palm up, then down, keeping his rhythm nice and slow as he watched himself. It reminded him of forbidden nights spent staying as quiet as possible as he laid on his side listening to Dean in the bed across from him. His eyes would slowly adjust to the dark as he watched his brother's hand gripping and pulling his hard dick, the wet sounds seemingly filling the room. Sam would hold his breath, trying not to make a sound so that Dean wouldn't stop. Sam moaned, remembering the sight and the sound, the slickness of Dean's fist when it tightened, pumping harder, the sheet falling mid-thigh so Sam could see everything, his own hand wrapped around his throbbing dick as he kept rhythm with his brother and watched...

"Oh fuck..."

After all of these years, it was still fodder for his own masturbatory fantasies and no matter who Sam ever was with, he doubted that anything would ever replace that. He gripped the base of his dick, the bottom of his fist pressing hard against his balls, keeping him from spilling so soon. Sam knew he had all the time in the world, but he wanted to drag this out for as long as he could. He glanced over at the lube next to him and his cock pulsed, the wetness on the tip increasing. A part of Sam's brain wondered what the fuck was wrong with him. He had this beautiful girlfriend with an incredibly hot body and here he was, jacking off and fantasizing about being fucked, about having slick fingers opening him and a hard cock filling him.

But it wasn’t just any cock that he wanted inside of him. After all this time, after being told by Dean that it wasn't right and it wasn't ever going to happen, that desire had never really gone away. Sam had just learned to tamp it down deep inside, allowing it to go dormant for a while. But now, he didn't feel that he had to hide it any longer. Not from himself. He closed his fist a bit tighter, increasing the friction as he began stroking himself harder. Slower. He was going to try and savor this for as long as he could until he was unable to take it any longer. His cock lengthened in his hand and he drizzled lube from the bottle onto it, groaning as the cool slickness increased the pleasure he was already feeling. Hearing the sound of his slick hand and watching it moving slowly up and down as he controlled the pressure, the intensity – was what he loved best about masturbating.

Sam groaned as his left hand slid lower, his fingers tugging on his sac. He raised his legs, bringing them back toward his chest as he moved his hand lower, fingers stroking and caressing the skin behind his balls. God, what he wouldn't give for it to be Dean's fingers. Dean's tongue.

"Fuck, yeah."

That produced more pre-come from the tip of his cock and he rubbed his fingers in it, stroking it along the shaft of his dick. He felt like he was going to fucking explode and he slowed his jacking, letting his orgasm ease off before he was too far gone. How long had it been since he'd let go and allowed himself to fantasize about Dean? Sam knew how wrong it was. Fuck, he'd always known how wrong it was, but it didn't make a damn bit of difference. It had never seemed wrong to him. Not with the way that he felt about Dean.

Or the way that Dean made him feel.

Instead of fighting it as he usually did, Sam gave in, embraced it, imagined the feel of his brother's hand between his legs, holding his thighs open, touching him the way that he never had in real life. Sam's nipples tingled and he imagined the feel of his brother's tongue licking them, tugging at them with his teeth...

"Dean, don't... Don't stop."

And just opening his lips and saying Dean's name out loud caused a whole new wave of heat to roll over him. God, he’d forgotten how good it felt to remember the way his brother always made him feel. He let his middle finger circle his tight opening, caressing the sensitive hole before pressing his fingertip inside. His slickened finger moved easily, surprising him at the lack of resistance. He wasted no time in pushing in a second, sliding them both in as deep as he could, groaning once again at the feeling of being penetrated. He crooked his fingers, working them in and out until he hit -

"Fuck! "

A part of him was almost afraid at wanting and liking this too much. But it wasn't about just being fucked. He wanted Dean – still. Wanted Dean to take him and fuck him, to fill him and own him. His back arched off the bed as he began fucking himself, imagining it to be his brother's long fingers moving inside of him, his brother's hot mouth sliding along his shaft...

"Oh my god..."

The polyphonic sound of 'The Unforgiven' came blaring from Sam's nightstand and he released his legs in complete disbelief. For Dean to pick that moment to phone him was just...too serendipitous for words. For the briefest of moments, Sam debated whether or not he was going to answer, but he wiped off his hands and grabbed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, College Boy." He could hear Dean chuckle softly and he knew that he knew... "What were you doing, Sammy? Catch you at a bad time?"

As close to the edge as Sam had been, there was not way he could mask his breathlessness. He also knew there was no way Dean wouldn't catch it. The bastard.

"Yeah, I was just... I had to run to grab the phone."

"Yeah. Sure thing."

Sam could hear the disbelief in Dean's voice and he was positive that he knew. And yet – his dick obviously could care less as it lay heavy and stiff against his belly and he took it in his hand again, closing his fingers around it. If he couldn't have Dean there with him...

"You really want to know what I'm doing, Dean?"

Sam's tone dropped to the place that would have made anyone within earshot question why he was speaking to his brother with that husky voice. But he was far beyond playing any more games. This was serious business now. Besides, it had been almost six months since he and Dean had talked on the phone like this.

"Tell me what you're doing, Sam."

Dean fucking knew. He had lowered his voice and it had that deep smokiness to it that always did things to Sam's body when Dean would sneak up behind him, pressing his body against Sam's back and telling Sam that he would let him suck him off if he wanted to...

The memory sent a shiver down Sam's spine and he groaned, surprised when he received an answering one from Dean on the other line.

"I'm remembering what you taste like, Dean. How you feel inside my mouth."

And Dean gasped, fucking gasped and that turned Sam on even more. He got back to the business at hand, his fingers moving lower from his cock and entering his tight hole once again. He fucked himself slowly, his fingers moving in with every thrust, his hips moving, trying to take them deeper inside as he listened to his brother's breathing.

"Dean..." In his mind's eye, Sam could see Dean's hand moving between his own spread thighs, the heel of his hand pressing against the bulge beneath the denim and he wished that he could see his brother now. Wished that he could mouth the denim, making it wet as he licked the hard cock he would feel pressing underneath. "I'm fucking myself, wishing it was you."

"Fucking hell, Sam."

And hearing that tone in Dean's voice just—"God, Dean. You just don't know." Deeper inside, his hips rocked forward, allowing his fingers to slip impossibly further so he could reach... "Oh god... It's so good, Dean..."

"Sam, don't -"

"I don't care, Dean. It's always been you."

In then out, Sam fell into a disjointed rhythm, thrusting and moaning until it was no longer him fucking himself. He could almost feel the cold metal of the ring Dean wore on his finger, bumping against the heated skin of his opening. Sam heard Dean's breathing on the other end and knew that his brother was as turned on as he was. There was no way he could pretend.

"Fuck. Sammy, please don't."

And Dean sounded so fucking broken and Sam wished that he was with him so he could climb on top of Dean and kiss the pleading words from his sweet, succulent mouth as he rode his older brother until they were both spent.

"I need you here, Dean." He moaned the words as he twisted his fingers again, knowing that Dean caught the double meaning of his words. "God, right now."

Sam heard the sound of screeching tires in the background and it was only then that he realized that his brother was on the road. And if Dean was on the road, maybe there was a chance that...

"Dean... God, where are you?"

"I'm close to you."

Dean's words came out with barely a whisper and Sam found himself unable to breathe. He stopped all movement, groaning as he felt the muscle tighten around his fingers because he knew. God, he knew Dean would be there soon.

"Dean, where? Please, tell me..."

"I'm in Palo Alto now."

"Oh..." Sam had to stop, had to remove his fingers and wrap his fist around the base of his cock so he didn't shoot all over himself. His fantasy was so close to coming true and he had waited so damn long... "Jesus, Dean. Please. Hurry up."

Sam heard Dean take a ragged breath and he knew his brother was hanging onto the edge, much like himself. And he liked that thought very, very much.

"Sam." A moment's hesitation and Sam closed his eyes, trying to imagine the sight of Dean's hand resting between his thighs, his palm pressing against his erection. "I want you ready for me."

"Yeah. Okay, Dean. Tell me what you want."

Sam had waited for this too fucking long and he was ready and willing to do whatever his brother asked. And after that, he would make Dean give in to his own desires.

"I want you on your hands and knees."

Those words were not what Sam expected and he moaned, the word “Fuck!” escaping from his lips.

"I want you ready for me, Sam."

A shiver ran down Sam's spine because he knew what that meant. Fucking knew exactly what that meant and he groaned, his fist gripping his cock tightly again. Dean's voice was deep and throaty and Sam couldn't remember the last time he'd heard it sound like that. And before Sam knew what he was doing, he was reaching for the lube, slicking up his fingers and pushing them inside again, making the way easy and smooth.

"Oh god... Dean, hurry."

Sam got onto his hands and knees, setting the phone on the bed in front of him, the speakerphone on.

"Dean." His fingers were pulling and tightening in the sheets and he groaned, moving his hips as his mind filled him with the phantom sensation of his brother behind him, entering him...

"Did you do it, Sam?"

"Yeah. Dean..." Sam's body was on edge because he'd been so close for so long and all it was going to take was Dean just looking at him before he blew like a fucking geyser. "Dean, I can't..."

And he heard it then.

The lock being jimmied and the door swinging open. Sam remained on his hands and knees just as he had been told, not even turning his head to be sure that it wasn't Jessica or Tony or fucking S.W.A.T. coming in and finding him like that. He knew that it was Dean. There wasn't anyone else that it could have been.

"Jesus..."

That wasn't the first word that Sam expected to fall from Dean's lips, but it turned him on even more, knowing that his brother's resolve was crumbling quickly, just as his own. He heard the sound of his brother's boots hitting the floor, then the sound of his heavy leather jacket. Sam couldn't help himself and he groaned.

He did everything he could to stop his body from trembling when he felt the bed depress as Dean kneeled up behind him. He felt like he was going to break if Dean didn't do something, didn't touch him and make him come.

"Come on, Dean. Please..."

Sam knew that Dean could hear the pleading tone in his voice and he couldn't give a fuck. He had waited so damn long for this, he had the right to show his impatience, and Dean being Dean only took that much longer. Dean got up from the bed and Sam almost called out to him when he felt Dean's hand tangle in his hair, his lips crashing against his. He'd almost forgotten about this, about how Dean could devour him with a kiss, singe him and reduce him to nothing but a quivering pile of dust with those lips of his. But oh, how quickly he was being brought back to remembrance and he moaned into Dean's mouth, swallowing the air he blew into him as their tongues tangled and danced. Dean pulled back, sucking hard on Sam's lips possessively, making a shudder run through Sam's body.

"You did it, didn't you?"

For a moment, Sam thought that Dean had sucked out all of his brain cells with that kiss because he couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about—until he felt Dean kneel behind him on the bed again. Dean placed his hand on the small of Sam's back and moved his fingers lower, caressing and spreading him open. Sam arched into his touch, pushing his hips back as Dean's hand slid slowly along his skin. The relief washed over him and he wanted to explode because finally, finally...

"Damn. I've never seen you like this before."

And the shock that Sam felt at hearing the awe and wonder in Dean's voice nearly overwhelmed him. Sam was torn between turning around to see Dean’s face and just letting him explore and touch and do whatever he wanted to do. Warmth rolled around in his stomach, filling him completely, so completely he almost missed the gasp that escaped from his lips when Dean's fingers slipped between his cheeks, stroking up and down along the crack. God, he was so fucking close.

"Dean, please..." Sam's thighs were quivering and his breath was coming in harsh pants. If Dean didn't hurry, it was going to be over before it could even begin. "Touch me."

"I am touching you."

And Sam could hear the smile on his smart-ass brother's lips, could almost see the smirk on Dean's face and Sam was so tempted to just turn and grab his hand, making him touch him where he truly wanted when he felt -

"Oh god..."

Dean's finger stroked over his tight opening, back and forth and he could feel the hesitation in his touch.

"It's okay. Dean, just -"

"Who, Sam?"

The haze that surrounded Sam was so thick he almost didn't understand what his brother was asking him.

"Sam, tell me. Has anybody -"

Sam finally realized the question coming from Dean's lips and he couldn't believe that he would think -

"No, no one. Just me, Dean." Sam swallowed heavily when his brother positioned his finger, about to enter him. "Now you."

And the soft sigh that left Dean's lips reached Sam's ears and he couldn't tell if it was from relief or the heaviness of responsibility, but as long as Dean kept touching him, his finger slowly working its way inside of him, Sam could live with either of those.

"God, just fuck me. I'm ready for you."

"I want to watch you fall apart for me."

"Dean..."

And Dean withdrew his finger, forcing a groan from Sam's lips because he was so close to getting what he had wanted for so long. But strong hands gripped his hips and flipped him effortlessly onto his back. (He had been too turned-on to be mindful.) Dean was on his hands and knees above him, still dressed in t-shirt and jeans, looking down on him with something that could only be described as hunger.

"Do you know what you do to me, Sam?"

Fingers tenderly stroked Sam's cheek then slid back, gripping his hair with increasing intensity as Dean leaned in and took his mouth in a hard, possessive kiss. Sam wound his arms around Dean and pulled his body down fully on top of him, the feeling of coarse fabric scratching against his heated skin made him moan into Dean's mouth. And Sam loved it; loved every scratchy rub against his hard nipples and his straining dick. He arched his hips, pressing himself harder against Dean, rubbing and moaning, sucking and biting Dean's lips and Dean... He seemed as hungry for this as Sam, his thigh sliding between Sam's legs as he broke the kiss, licking and nipping his way down Sam's neck. He put his knees on either side of Sam's thighs and raised up, looking down at him, the lust and want heavy in his eyes. And it felt like fucking forever since Dean had looked at him like that, since he'd wanted him this badly and it made Sam's cock twitch, wetness splashing on his belly.

"God, Sam." Dean locked eyes with Sam as Sam felt him wrap his fingers around his dick, stroking Sam slowly before unfastening his own jeans and releasing his own stiff cock. "I've been like this since I first decided to see you."

Sam moaned and reached up, closing his fingers around Dean's dick, remembering the first time that he had touched Dean, the first time he tasted him...

"Dean, I want this. Want you. Now."

Dean slid back and Sam groaned, wrapping his legs around Dean's hips, crossing them behind his back. He watched as Dean moved his hand lower, further, and he had to grip the base of his cock so he didn't lose it right then.

"Fuck me, Dean."

Dean's fingers slid back between his cheeks and Sam moaned, knowing that it had been so long, there was no way that he was going to be able to hold out for much longer.

"Please... Dean, I can't..." He wrapped his fingers around his cock and began to stroke, feeling the crest of his orgasm beginning. Sam moaned, his left hand moving lower to cup his balls and he ached, he wanted Dean to take him and fuck him. He didn't want to come so soon, but... Two fingers pressed inside of him, angling and touching.

"Now. Come apart. Sam..."

Sam heard this keening sound that felt like it was moving in his chest and he realized it was him, the sound being ripped from his own dry lips. And Sam felt like he was going fucking blind as the pleasure grew so strong it felt like white heat surrounding him and he arched his back, gripping his spurting cock as he shot all over his stomach, hitting his chest. It had been too fucking long. He'd waited too fucking long. And he heard Dean, opened his eyes and saw Dean as he grabbed his own cock and stroked it, coating Sam's belly with long, white stripes of his own come, his hips powerless to stop moving until he was completely empty.

"Jesus, Sam..."

The aftershocks rocked through Dean and he collapsed on the bed, his breathing coming hard and fast as he moaned softly. Sam grabbed the towel and wiped off his chin and touched his stomach, his fingers stroking through the milky mess that rested there. He couldn't even think about anything, except, "Dean." He turned his head and saw his brother staring back at him, a sultry smile on his lips.

"I didn't plan on coming apart, Sammy. It was just supposed to be you."

Sam laughed and reached for towel behind him, wiping off his sticky stomach.

"You knew you couldn't let me go it alone."

Sam reached out and cleaned off Dean as well, tossing the towel on the floor behind Dean's back before settling down next to him, his head resting on Dean's chest.

"Fuck, Dean. I thought I was going to die for a minute there."

"Yeah, but wouldn't it have been worth it?"

Sam punched him in the arm and laughed again as Dean feigned injury.

"You never told me what brought you here in the first place. And don't tell me you were just in the neighborhood."

Dean shrugged and for a moment, Sam thought he was going to have to try one of his underhanded tricks to get the truth out of his brother.

"Wasn't going to let you spend Christmas alone, Sammy."

Sam's eyes narrowed as he looked up at Dean, the disbelief plain on his face.

"Dean, you're not into the holidays. Any holiday, especially Christmas. What's up—for real?"

Another shrug from Dean and Sam could see that this was one of those times where he was going to have to be content with a non-answer. He laid his head back on Dean's chest, wrapping his arm around his waist, smiling when he felt Dean's arms go around him protectively. There would be no answers tonight, but that was something that Sam could easily live with.

\-----

A few hours later Sam woke up slowly, the dark warmth of the room keeping him cocooned in comfort. It took a moment to realize that the source of most of that warmth was Dean's breath, coming in soft rhythmic pants on the back of his neck. Dean's arm was wrapped tightly around Sam's waist, his hand slowly rubbing circles on Sam's stomach as his fingers slowly inched toward his half-hard cock. Sam placed his hand on Dean's and slid them both lower, closing their joined fingers around his thickening erection. He felt the exhalation as Dean gasped against his skin, his leg wrapping around Sam's hip as he settled in closer behind him and he knew exactly what was going on in Dean's mind. Dean's hips canted, his already hard length rubbing against Sam's ass and Sam rotated his hips, increasing the pressure against Dean.

"I couldn't stop thinking about..."

The words were whispered against the side of Sam's neck and he moaned, unable to hold it in, his body's passion coming awake. He loved finally having this contact with Dean because he had wanted it for so fucking long. He felt Dean's hand slide up and over his hip, then behind him, his finger moving between his crack, rubbing over his opening.

Dean inhaled, sucking in a deep breath and Sam just waited.

"Sam."

And it was the way that Dean said his name. Sam wasn't sure if he had ever heard it spoken like that before. It wasn't a question, but it was spoken with such reverence that Sam gasped as he felt two fingers sliding inside of him. And Sam knew, God he knew what was about to happen and he raised his knee to his chest, opening as much as he could for Dean because he'd waited so damn long for this. He heard his own intake of breath and felt his body trembling with want as his hips rocked back slowly.

"Please. Dean, please..."

Those fingers twisted within him and Sam felt the rough scrape along his prostate and he arched, opening wider for Dean. Sam knew how wanton and whorish he had to look but he couldn't be bothered with being concerned about that. He just wanted this so fucking badly. Then he felt the fingers leave him, felt Dean shifting behind him, heard the slide then slam of the table next to the bed. Sam didn't move, just waited until Dean was against him and the fingers were back – slick and cold now, scissoring him open. And he sank back his hips rocking back then he heard Dean's voice, hot and urgent against his skin.

"You ready?"

But really there was no fucking reason for Dean to ask. He had to know how ready Sam was; how fucking long Sam had been waiting for this. And finally the thick head pressed against him and Sam braced himself, felt Dean's hand move and open his thighs wider and the head was inside. Sam closed his eyes, leaned back harder against Dean because yes it was thicker than anything he'd had inside of him before.

"Oh fuck, Dean. Fuck..."

Dean's breath was steady and warm on the back of Sam's neck and he heard him cursing softly against his skin. Sam knew it was tight and it hurt them both like a motherfucker, but Dean kissed his shoulder and hooked his hand behind Sam's thigh, raising his knee back even higher to his chest.

"Sam. Come on, Sam. Let me..."

Sam rolled his hips back and felt the burn move even deeper inside and he wondered if they should have done this in a different position until -

"Oh, that's... Dean, that's so..."

He didn't even have the words and he felt the puff of Dean's laughter against his skin and he somehow sank in even deeper and it hit Sam that his brother was buried inside of him.

Dean's cock – he reached back because he wanted to feel and he touched the place where they were joined. He felt the root of Dean's cock, how he was pressed flush against him which meant he was buried as deep inside of him as he could be. Dean groaned and closed his fingers around Sam's.

"How does that feel?"

Sam could hear the catch in Dean's voice, feel the sharp bite of his teeth on the back of his neck and he groaned, his body acclimating to the feeling of being penetrated and of being so damn full. There was an edge of pain, but still there was something that made it feel so fucking good and Sam groaned – he knew it was a matter of getting used to it, but all he wanted was Dean. He didn't care if there was a tinge of pain involved. He just wanted...

"God, I knew..." Dean sounded so breathless. Shattered. "I knew it would feel like this."

And Sam understood completely. It would be so easy to become addicted to this – his brother's strong fingers digging into his skin as he began thrusting inside of him. Sam's fingers dug into Dean's thigh as he moved in deeper, completely owning Sam in every way imaginable. The rhythm was slow and punishing and Sam knew that was just the way Dean wanted it. They moved together – point and counter-point, Dean's cock barely pulling out of his body. He moved in deeper and deeper, his cock hitting the place inside Sam that made him burn and melt with the pleasure of it all and he, too, knew it would be this good. He knew. God.

"Make me come, Dean..."

His brother's hand was loosely cupping his dick, steadfastly refusing to jack him off. Sam squeezed his fingers over Dean's, guiding and urging him. Dean groaned, rolling them over so Sam was on his stomach. Strong and sure hands gripped his hips, pulling him up and back, seating Dean even deeper inside, but at a slightly different angle so he could move and pound into him, making Sam's body sing with pleasure as his brother's fingers dug into his hips.

"Oh fuck... Sammy, it's so fucking perfect."

Dean moved in and out of his channel so fast and hard and Sam never dreamed that it could be like this, but damn was he glad. And Dean put a hand in the center of his back, pushing him down and he felt the shift, felt his brother's dick hitting him there and there, again. Again.

"Yeah... That's it, Dean. that's it... oh..."

Fingers scrabbling at the sheets and Sam lost all control of his body. Dean kept moving, kept pounding until Sam cried out, his orgasm overtaking him. He let out a low groan that grew louder and it was so long, Sam wondered when the police were going to come and kick the door in.

Dean collapsed on top of him, his sweaty chest sticking to Sam's back. It wasn't comfortable by any stretch of the imagination, but neither of them were ready to move at that point.

"Fucking hell, Dean."

He felt Dean's body shaking with laughter and he couldn't help but join in, the muscles in his body turned to jelly. After a moment, Dean pulled out and rolled onto his side, pulling Sam in front of him. Sam felt sticky and sweaty and exhausted, but he was too tired to contemplate getting out of bed for a shower just yet.

"Sammy. You know we need to take a shower. We stay here like this, we'll wake up sticking to the sheets."

"Just... Give me a minute. Or seventeen."

He heard Dean chuckling behind him and he pressed a kiss between Sam's shoulder blades before falling back on the pillow.

"Seventeen, I can certainly do."

Within a few minutes, Sam heard his brother softly snoring and the sound lulled him to sleep.

\-----

The sun came streaming through the thin curtains, making its presence known by shining directly into Sam's eyes. He groaned at the intrusion and rolled over onto his back, his arm hitting something solid and warm next to him. He looked over, his eyes locking with Dean's.

"You're up early."

Dean reached over Sam and grabbed his phone off of the nightstand.

"It's almost nine. That's not early."

Sam just smiled, reaching for Dean's arm to pull his body on top of him. His brother came willingly, allowing his weight to settle completely on top of Sam. They kissed deeply, their tongues tangling and battling and Sam thought that this all felt different. Very different. Like they were both giving everything – and it was all-consuming. He wouldn't say anything to Dean, of course, he’d probably just make fun of him for making something out of nothing. But Sam could tell. This felt more intense, more involved and he wrapped his leg around Dean's hip, pulling him in closer. This was something that he'd never had the luxury of having before. All of this heated skin, naked and tanned and sprawled on top of him. He was allowed to do anything that he wished, touch anywhere that he wanted and Dean placed no restrictions on it. On anything.

Dean pulled back slightly, breathing heavily.

"Fuck. You've been practicing."

Sam laughed, his hand leisurely stroking a line up and down Dean's back.

"Actually, I had a really good teacher."

Dean smiled, and leaned in, placing an almost chaste kiss on Sam's chin and Sam sighed happily, his hand coming to caress the back of Dean's head.

"How long can you stay?"

And Dean looked almost surprised that he asked him that, as if he wouldn’t want him to stay.

"Well, I can do three or four more days."

Sam knew he was grinning like a fool, but he couldn’t care less. It had been years since they had this much time to spend alone together.

"I think I can find something to occupy you for four days."

His laughter was muffled by Dean's lips as he kissed him again, rolling them so that Sam was on top.

-end

-+-+-+-

**Author's Note:**

> Final Author's Note: This was a completely self-indulgent story that almost never even saw the light of day. My idea was simple: I just wanted Sam Winchester to want to get fucked and to get fucked. No plot. No storyline. No sense. What came out was almost a stream of consciousness story filled with pure, unadulterated smut. I make no apologies for my madness. I embrace it and I hope that you do too. It's pretty freeing to finally put this out here. Many thanks for sharing in my indulgence.


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